On Being an Introvert

"I don't want to come to the social gathering with you," I told Mom. "There's nothing for me there. I'll only get bored." 

"How can you get bored when there will be so many people to talk to!" said Mom incredulously. "You need to learn to 'mingle'! Don't be so anti-social. No man is an island, you know", she chided. 

This is not the first time I'm hearing this. And not just from Mom, although, anti-social is a bit harsh. What I am is an introvert.

The word introvert has Latin roots. It is derived from two words: intro meaning to the inside and vertere meaning to turn. So introvert means, to turn one's thoughts inwards (in spiritual contemplation). However, if we look up the word on Google or any dictionary, the most common meaning that comes up is: a person who likes to keep to oneself, who minimises social interaction. Introversion should not be confused with shyness. Shy people tend to be afraid of interacting with others. Introverts on the other hand are not afraid. They would just much rather indulge in solitary activities, like reading a book or watching their favourite tv show at home. Introverts will never be social butterflies or the life and soul of the parties they attend (which are few to begin with). They shun the limelight, they don't go seeking social interaction. It is not something they prefer. But when such interaction is absolutely essential, introverts can often articulate their thoughts much better than others, for the sole reason that they spend a lot of time thinking. They take time to open up to people who are new to them. They have few friends but these are the people they can really be themselves around. It is almost like introverts are different people around their friends, though not too different. They may be labelled as quiet or silent, but no one would call them anti-social. They are perfectly pleasant people.

This world has an extrovert ideal (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, Susan Cain). Introversion is often associated with lack of confidence and sometimes even rudeness and indifference, though nothing could be further from the truth. Gregarious, hail-fellow-well-met people, who know how to talk, who are extremely comfortable being in the limelight, who make spectacular presentations, who are party animals, are considered to be more intelligent, more confident. They’re more popular and they easily win people’s hearts. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. This is a popular saying which conveys that the loudest people get the most attention. This is pretty much true, especially in today's corporate world where first impressions count so much. You need to sell the brand that is you, in order for people to take you seriously, in order to get that coveted promotion, in order to get the appreciation you so crave. Extroverts definitely excel at this. It comes naturally to them. The task of having to proclaim their achievements is exhausting to introverts.

This is not to say that extroverts are in any way better than introverts, or vice versa. They are just two different kinds of people who have different 'wirings'! They have similar capabilities, but different tendencies. I know this now, but during my teenage years, I suffered from a terrible complex regarding my introversion. Public speaking and group discussions used to terrify me. Impromptu presentations made me nervous, I needed to prepare well in advance. I was afraid of ‘putting myself out there’. I didn't prefer group gatherings. In fact, I still don't. Talking one on one is more my thing. I had friends with whom I hung out, but after a certain while, I felt like I needed to go home to be by myself in order to ‘recharge’. Many people found this unusual. Why would anyone want to stay home and read a book when they could go out and have fun, they asked me. I’m all for going out and having fun, but in smaller doses! I suddenly came to realise that I was surrounded by so many people who were socially more adept than I was. These were the kind of people who were preferred by everyone. It was not that I envied them, I liked them too, just like everyone else. I just wished they would give me the same acceptance that I gave them. I had been on the receiving end of several remarks, from family, friends and acquaintances alike, which affected me very much. Some of the remarks were actually funny. 'Why are you so quiet, is everything okay?' (Uh, maybe because I like it that way?), 'You don't talk much do you?' (Well, duh.), 'I'm counting the number of words you've said today!' (Do you really not have anything better to do?!).  'You have zero communication skills.' They led me to wonder if there was something seriously lacking in me. It was a major blow to my confidence.

At the close, I will just say this, whether introverted or extroverted, in the end, the important thing is to accept ourselves the way we are. If we do that, what other people say won’t sting us quite so much. We must also not be led to believe that any one personality type is better than the other.

Image used from; https://blogdramedy.wordpress.com/2013/11/26/life-introverted-learning-to-appreciate-life-as-an-introvert/ , via whitneycarter.wordpress.com